Rant. #2

It happens fast. In an instant actually. Triggered by anything to be honest. Could be when a friend says a sentence in a certain tone or when I’m let down by people over the smallest thing. like offering a sweet even though theres no obligation to give me the sweet anyways when theres like 20 other people in the room. its because i imagined the friend giving me the sweet a hundred times in my head so the expectation built up. maybe thats just me being selfish. maybe I’m just a selfish person to begin with.

Im not diagnosing myself with ‘depression’ or ‘anxiety’ I have no right. plus thats so 2012. I just get hyped out at random times and my imagination runs wild. Thus why Im deciding to write how i feel. Trust me Im a lazy person. I rather be sleeping but I can’t sleep cause of this stupid feeling in my head.

I could be having dinner and be normal, laughing and eating like a decent human but my head could be somehow literally negative. I’m trying to describe it but I can’t. It just feels sad. I don’t know why. It’s not even the small feeling of sad. It’s heavy and light at the same time. It feels like a storm in the sky whilst calm like the sound of the crashing waves. Triggered by I have no idea. I get all cold and nervous for no reason and then in an instant feel completely fine. Maybe its just PMS. I hope it is. At least I would have an answer. I don’t know. And I don’t think I ever will know.

Ah headache. Weird, I never use to get headaches. its annoying. I don’t understand why some people pretend to have these  to get out of class. Why wish it upon yourself, it’s horrible.


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