It has been brutal.
2016 has done so much to me. Cliché as it sounds it has taught me the lessons I have refuse to learn the past years. So instead, it felt as if the year force fed me these lessons. Do not get me wrong, a lot of good has happen as well.
To simplify ,the year started out typical.
Lets imagine the ground flat.
Now, without any notice the year turned evil. It became horrible. Like severally bad that I am amaze I am not dead from it bad. Now there is a huge hole in the ground.
And then like after a storm it became still. The hole was still there though. Holes do not just disappear.
But then something incredible happen and it filled up the hole! Filled it up just enough to cover up it fully.
So now I am back to same level as the start of the year. gr8
Looking back i can still see where the hole was but its covered up. So now I feel as if I have not increase in happiness nor have i lost any.
I am back to square one.
Any who, I would like to believe I have changed this year and am still changing. Changing, growing, learning somewhere between those lines. To be fair, I used to be a major control freak and changes gave me anxiety. May it be the order of how to make my cereal or how people see me as a person. But now I have accepted the fact that sometimes you just need to pour the milk before the cereal. Change is unavoidable and it happen instantly or gradually. But hey its okay because you’ll adapt to the change.
You will not be missed. Remembered, yes.
I have seen the ‘good’ thats in goodbye.
Lets get cheesy and write to my ‘beginning of the year’ self .
HAHAHA. You’re so dumb.
Did you really think that nothing can be new to you by now? You’re about to start living my friend.Yes, this is the year your nightmares came true.
You are about to get your heart broken in so many different ways you didn’t think was even possible. And no not just cause of a boy #spoiler .
More people left, more judged and even more doubted you. You have cried none stop for days and weeks and worst still you saw people you never thought could breakdown before this turn into an absolute mess for days and even months. You let yourself down so much during that period you stopped taking care of yourself and landed yourself so sick at one point.There was one night where you could not sleep because your head hurt so much and it felt as if your hair weighted a ton. You wanted to chop it off at 3am. dumb. Honestly everything got worst after that. It felt as if all the colours in the world was drained out. Sunsets could not made you happy and waking up everyday was a struggle. More and more bad news surfaced like a domino affect. But when the bad news stopped coming, by then you felt like you were still alive but not living anymore. It was such a lonely state to be in. You sat by the window for hours like a statue collecting dust.
But not to worry. Thankfully you woke up from it. (or there would not be me writing this right now)
You realised you had one good thing left and you took it and built on it. Good girl.
It took time and effort and so much worrying but you made it out of that state of mind before half the year was gone. You managed to suck it up and asked for what you actually wanted and guess what you got it in the end of the day. Not going to lie you felt guilty for asking for it, but remember you earned it and it was yours to take since the start. All those days spent in the library and nights wondering and praying of a better situation paid off. Thankfully you changed the way you saw some things, like how you would compromises on some big choices that would determine your dreams. Dumb. this time you went right for what you wanted and guess what, you are so much happier now. You did not do your whatever ‘righteous decision’ and go for the somewhat almost what you kinda want choice.
So yes, you are happy by the end of the year. Its the sort of happy you feel when you finally submit that assignment you have been working on for the longest time trying to make it the best in the whole class.
You are happy but tired. Very tired.
Did you let go of the bad apples in your life? Meh, you are still you and you would never honestly do that on purpose so no. Some still linger however…
You have given a lot of people (some who do not deserve it) MULTIPLE chances to redeem themselves to you. Typical.
Though you have had to say goodbye to few important characters this year. And you know what, its not that bad.
Was it hard? Yes, at the start. You thought it would be impossible to imagine life without them, but that was imagining life. Life went on and slowly it became the new normal.
Right, lets not be terrible. Please do not be the continuous of 2016.
To my future self i am apologising for my mistakes that will happen because you have to clean it up. whoops.
By the end of it all, will I still be the girl who over thinks about every damn situation? Do i still over analyse? Or have I gone complete unemotional towards everything and everyone? Will I trust my feelings more or still use my brain to decide on my personal emotions towards people? I bet so. A year cannot change a person 100%. Just hope I will ease up a bit. Maybe.
Honestly, I am crazy nervous for this new year. I am so tired.
One thing though, I hope i find someone (or some people) who inspires me to be truly happy again honestly. Not make me happy but inspires me, because i do not want to depend my happiness on anyone. Anymore. Meh
Happy can be a very general thing by the way. *winks
To all the adventures that has yet to happen, Im ready. Ready to see new places and revisit some old ones. I honestly cannot wait to take in new sights and lessons this year. To see what type of HUMAN I will become. Hopefully a better and less ‘potato like’ one at that. Just, 2017 please be kinder maybe? I get it now.
Im walking in this year with a change of mindset that;
- Goodbyes can be mean a new (sometimes better) hello.
- Other peoples problem are not yours. Perspective
- Your mind is not as scary if you fill it up with the right thoughts.
- Tomato and onion soup is really delicious. Not together though
I never was good at starting years. meh.
gudluck. please dun die m8.
c u nxt yr.
Sliver & Gold : WILD